Big Ten Round-Up

Northwestern: 21 Michigan: 14

Rivals

There are a lot of teams winning in Michigan Stadium this year. Add Northwestern to that list. We're far too lazy to look up when it might have been, but it's probably been a while since that happened.

Michigan took the lead going into halftime but never came back out, and Northwestern scored 14 points in the third, getting themselves the win. CJ Bacher threw two TDs in the snow and wind, and Michigan got one of their two TDs as a result of a blocked kick.

We all know things are bad up there in Ann Arbor, but if they can luck themselves into a win against Ohio State, all will be forgiven and Rich-Rod will be hailed as a savior, despite having lost to Utah, Nortre Dame, Illinois, Toledo, PSU, Michigan State, Purdue and Northwestern, all in the same season.

Ohio State: 30 Illinois: 20

Rivals

The Illini had 100 more total yards gained Saturday, with 7 fewer minutes of possession. Their offense was more balanced, passing for 241 while rushing for 214. Ohio State ran for 305 yards, however, making up for a pathetic 49 yards through the air.
But hey, why pass when you don't have to?

Pryor rushed for 110 yards and a score and also passed for one. Beanie piled up 143 yards on the ground, and pretty much played the part of the wrecking ball in this game.

The score is only a 10 point different, but Ohio State pulled away in the second and never really looked back. With rushing totals like that, we can only imagine how painful it was for Illini fans to watch. A lot of those yards were probably, "putting them out of their misery," yards.

Iowa: 22 Purdue: 17

Rivals

If Iowa had gone out and lost this game to a weak as balls Purdue team, we'd probably be pissed. We're pissed either way, because we lost, but if Iowa is going to beat PSU then they better beat up on everyone else too.

Iowa was dangerously close to losing this game, as Purdue drove towards a score at the end of the game. Painter couldn't find a receiver, however, and Iowa got the win. On that final drive, Purdue went from their own 20 to the Iowa 27 in just over a minute and put themselves in a position to win, but just couldn't lock it up.

Oh, and Shonn Greene ran for 211 yards.

Wisconsin: 35 Minnesota: 32

Rivals

We wish we could have seen this game, because it looks like it was a real train wreck in the fourth quarter. When you play for something as cool as Paul Bunyan's axe, easily the coolest trophy in the world, you better have yourselves in check.

Minnesota clearly did not, as they gave up 18 points in the fourth quarter, including 2 safeties and a 5 yard run set up by a horribly timed Minnesota fumble. Of course, this mighty comeback may not have been needed if Wisconsin didn't manage to give up 21 points in the 2nd quarter alone.

Neither of these teams are very good, but at least Minnesota is beating and hanging with teams no one thought they would. Wisconsin has just been a disaster all season after being crowned with all sorts of pre-season expectations.

That's why you play the game though.


A look at the conference championship scenarios is coming tomorrow.

Odds & Ends

We'll get back to our regular schedule tomorrow, but tonight we just wanted to mention a few different items. It's not much, but we're still hungover from the loss like any other PSU fan, so hopefully you understand.

First of all, it's been pointed out by a number of sources how eerily similar this year's scenario is to 1999. We vaguely remember that season, as we were barely in high school, but we have at least some recollection of the Minnesota loss. In case you don't remember, the Lions were 9-0 coming into that game. The final score? 24-23, Minnesota. The dagger? A last second field goal. Weird.

That team went on to lose it's last two and went to the Alamo Bowl. We can say with a good bit of confidence that the team will emerge victorious this weekend, but Michigan State will be a tough one. The Rose Bowl is no small deal, so let's hope they get back on track.

Moving on, you'll remember that last week we posted about a certain t-shirt being sold by a certain prominent clothing company in State College. Well, to the store and everyone who bought the shirt: thanks for jinxing the season. Much appreciated. At least the people who bought it won't ever be able to wear it again without being ridiculed by the general public.

In good news, Evan Royster has been named a semifinalist for the Doak Walker Award for the nation's top running back. It's not likely that Royster will be a finalist, especially with Ringer and Greene on the list, but it's a nice honor for a guy who's only a sophomore.

Finally, the Penn State/Big11Ten bashers have surfaced in a big way. A couple prominent sports media members congratulated Iowa for keeping a Big11Ten team out of the title game. Pat Forde (pronounced Ford-ie) of E!SPN leads off his "Forde-Yard Dash" column by giving props to the Hawkeyes, and Jim Rome, as if he read Forde's column and liked the sound of it, said almost the exact same thing at the end of "Rome Is Burning" today.

First of all, congrats to you two for having such creative names for your column/show. Trust us, 20 and 30-something sports fans just love a 3rd grade-level play on words. Second, and more importantly, way to go out on the limb and repeat the same sorry old argument every half-ass national sports writer has recycled the last 3 weeks. Very creative. If we wanted to see people mailing it in, we'd go read Rick Reilly. Why don't you use your time to plead to get rid of the sorry BCS system and install a playoff. And if you don't like that, maybe you should just campaign to get rid of all the college football conferences besides the Big 12 and SEC, because as we all know, they are the only ones who deserve a title shot anyway. Dicks.

We would expect this from an E!SPN blowhard like Forde, but generally we like Rome. But today, he doesn't escape our wrath.

Nice picture, clown.

Hey, we never said we were mature. We'll be back tomorrow, hopefully less angry.

Top 5 Reasons The NBA Sucks

If you're thinking, "Why is a Penn State football blog writing about the NBA," well, we can't say we blame you. But it's bye week, there's little going on with the team, we're bored and we like Top 5 lists. If you hate the NBA- and if you're a college football fan, we think there's a relatively good chance that you do- consider this a break from having to read Bill Simmons' 7,500-word columns on how great it is.

5. The game is a side act to the player introductions.
There's more choreography in NBA pregame introductions than there is in a Chad Johnson end zone celebration (before this season anyway). We wish the players would use the effort they put into elaborate handshake routines into actually running on the court.

Is this really necessary?

4. The end of the game is the most boring part of the game.
You may be saying, "That's the case in any sport, if it's a blowout." And therein lies the rub: the NBA is actually less boring in a blowout then it is in a 5-point game down the stretch. Unless the score is within 3 points, the last 2 minutes is all fouling, free throws and timeouts and goes on for about half an hour. That's just an inherently dumb problem, and there's no getting around it.

3. No one plays defense. Ever.
Don't even try to argue against this. Watch a college basketball game and see how the team plays defense. Then watch an NBA game, and take note of how many open 3s guys get, because defenders are all too lazy to run out and get a hand in the shooter's face. People talk about great defenders in the NBA all the time, but don't buy into this; the "great" defenders just play less-crappy D than the average guys. Defense in the NBA is a total farce. And that's that.

Nice D, losers.

2. They refuse to play back to back nights in the playoffs.
Come on, ladies. High school kids play multiple games in a day sometimes during holiday tournaments. You're world-class athletes and you can't suck it up and play two nights in a row? How many nights off would these guys need if they stopped loafing around and actually played? Three? Five?

1. The pro basketball championship pales in comparison to the college basketball championship.
Hey, there are a lot of reasons why the NBA sucks, but how can you top this one? In what other sport is the college championship noticeably more exciting, more popular and flat-out better than it's pro counterpart? Ummm, none. The college tournament is great: 64 teams, 2 and a half weeks, you fuck up once and you're gone. The NBA? 16 teams over about two months (seems more like five) and all the excitement of a 2-hour history class on a Friday afternoon.

Bonus: Stephen A. Smith is prominently involved in the analysis of the sport.

"I LOVE THE UNIVERSITY OF PENN STATE, HOWWW-EVAHH, THIS BLOG IS TERR-A-BULL!" -Stephen A. Smith

Thank you, Stephen A.

The Great Debate

Kirk Herbstreit: Good evening readers. Tonight we've rounded up the coaches of the Penn State Nittany Lions and Ohio State Buckeyes. We thought we'd get them together for a nice debate and a discussion about this weekend's coming game. Because I went to Ohio State and have an incredibly odd infatuation with Penn State, We Want the Lion has chosen me as moderator.

Now, without further ado, please welcome Jim Tressel and Joe Paterno!



Herbstreit: Good evening gentlemen. Now, on with the questions. Coaches, why do you think the computer polls have Ohio State ranked ahead of PSU in the BCS?

Paterno: Ah, I don't even know how they work, I mean, I,I, I don’t even have a computer!

Tressel: Well we have a stellar program here at THE Ohio State University. We have a lot of great young people who go out and work hard, week in and week out. Also, the fact that we may or may not pay them probably helps our computer ranking.

Herbstreit: What can each of you do to sway the voters to vote for your school in the polls?

Tressel: Well, Kirk, you really have to appeal to what matters most to these folks: money. So we'll probably have an Escalade or two sent out to the important voters out there across the country. It's no big deal, Terrelle has three of them already.

Herbstreit: Coach Paterno, what can you do to sway the voters?

Paterno: Uhhh, win, you dumbass.

Herbstreit: Let's move on to this weekend's big game. Coach Paterno, what do you think about the Ohio State squad this year? How can you win this weekend?

Paterno: Oh ya know, they got a great bunch of kids over there. We’re gonna hafta go out there and play hard, that’s just a great group of kids and they’re a good, solid football team.

Herbstreit: And Coach Tressel, are you excited about the fact that, with a win this weekend, you could possibly have a chance to blow another huge game against a big conference opponent at the end of the year?

Tressel: Watch it, Kirk. You don't want to see me angry.

Tressel: Alright, so it's not that scary.

Herbstreit: Coaches, what might each of you do to fix the BCS?

Tressel: Except for including teams from the SEC, I’d say it works perfectly.

Paterno: I, I, I’m not sure what this BGS is, but anything’s better than letting the President decide the winner. That bastard Nixon….

Herbstreit: Coach Tressel, what’s your impression of your freshman quarterback, Terrelle Pryor?

Tressel: Well I think he has a tremendously bright future in front of him, much like other highly touted freshman from this great university’s past.

Paterno: You mean like this guy?


Tressel: No comment.

Herbstreit: Coach Paterno, how would you describe your coaching staff?

Paterno: Ahh well Kirk, ya know they’re a great bunch of kids.

Herbstreit: But coach, some of your coaches, like Tom Bradley, have been at the school for over 30 years!

Paterno: Ahh that Bradley’s a good egg, he’s gonna have a great career someday.

Herbstreit: Anyway, Coach Tressel, how would you characterize your staff?

Tressel: We’re a team of mavericks, Kirk.

Herbstreit: Moving on…Coach Tressel, what effect do you think the raucous Penn State student section will have on your Buckeyes this Saturday?

Tressel: Kirk, the game is at Ohio State.

Herbstreit: Speculation aside, you have to admit that Penn State’s student section is the best in the nation.

Paterno: Didn’t you play at Ohio State?

Herbstreit: Uhhhh....Coach Tressel, walk us through a game day with you. What's your routine like?

Tressel: Well Kirk, to be honest, I spend most of the day picking out my sweater vest.

Paterno: But you only have two different colors, you ninny!

.

Herbstreit: Coach Paterno, please let Coach Tressel finish.

Tressel: Thank you, Kirk. After I pick out the vest, I just make a couple quick calls to the boosters to make sure the money is being doled out according to... I mean, just to say hello, and then I get ready to fire the guys up.

Herbstreit: And what is your game day routine like, Coach Paterno?

Paterno: Basically I spend all morning trying to crap, then I catch the elevator to the booth for the game.

Herbstreit: Fantastic! Continuing on with you, Joe, what is your opinion of sideline reporters?

Paterno: Well it depends on what she looks like.

Herbstreit: Okay gentlemen, now it's time to take a couple questions from the audience. First up is Dan, from Princeton, New Jersey.

Dan: Coach Tressel, why are you such a smug bastard?

sigh

Herbstreit: Let's move on. Here's Brett from Indiana.

Brett: Coach Paterno, how does this compare to other big games in your past?

Paterno: Well I remember back when I was just starting out as the head coach here we had a big game against, oh, what was that school, the uh Western University of Pennsylvania and it was a big one! We were undefeated and they were undefeated and they had a couple a real good kids. Great buncha players. They had that one fella what was his name, oh yea-

Herbstreit: Thanks Coach. And you Tressel, how does this compare to other big games in your career?

Tressel: Well Kirk, we've been in a lot of big games and we've had a lot of success in those big games so I-

Urban: What's that, Tress?

Tressel: Well we did have that slip up against Florida but that was nothing. We rebounded nicely and ran the table the following season and the-

Les: And then what, Jim?

Tressel: We've been in a lot of big games.

Herbstreit: Well that was awkward. I didn't know you guys were in town. And now for the final question. Coaches, tell me why your team is the best team in the nation. Coach Paterno, we'll start with you.

Paterno: Awww, come on Kirk, I, I'm not gonna waste my time, I mean, that's just a silly, I, I'm not gonna answer that, come on, that's just a waste of time.

Herbstreit: Coach Tressel, your thoughts?

Tressel: Well, I think we do have the best team in the country, Kirk. We have a great defense, and an offense that is learning every week. And what's more, our team has wide-reaching appeal. I've talked to all of our fans, all the hockey moms and Johnny Six Packs and Joe Plumbers out there. And unequivocally they've told me that if you take out the SEC and the Pac-10, we have the best team in this great nation.

Herbstreit: That's just not true, Coach! Let's go PSU!

Paterno (shaking head): Ugh...

Herbstreit: On that note, I think it's about time to wrap things up! Thanks for your time, coaches.

"mmmmmyeeeeeaaah!"

Blame Woot

Dear Readers,

We had a great post planned for mid-day today and we were really close to finishing it, but then we got online this morning and checked out our regularly-visited websites and found out that today is a woot-off day.

Sadly, we will probably spend most of the day buying Sansa media players, Roombas and Bluetooth headsets.

So the post will be up sometime tonight. Thank you.

Management

What did you do today?

Do anything exciting today?

Aaron Maybin did.
He destroyed the Flood.

You are safe.

The World has Stopped Turning

Dear Readers,

This morning we received a call from the International Association of Talking Heads that Govern all Types of Sports Media (including blogs).

Yeah, we thought it was a joke too.

They informed us that we must start off any and all releases for the week with a mention of Tom Brady and his injury.

"But we're a college football blog!" we cried.

Makes no difference, we were told. When the golden boy of the NFL, the world's chosen sports league, goes down, everyone must mourn.

We've made the joke of calling ESPN the World Wide Leader in Yankees Red Sox Patriots and Colts before, but now it will be hard to imagine what's about to happen with the Brady injury.

The bad thing about being a college football fan is that it gets coverage for about 2 hours during the week. The late game ends Saturday night, Sportscenter and Final Score pick up a series of highlights, and then almost immediately look ahead to the NFL. Then the NFL dominates all news clean through Friday. I guess you can say we're used to that kind of treatment though, because we're also hockey fans.

I don't know where this post is heading, but if Tom Brady takes a big stinking shit tomorrow, you better be ready to hear about it and it's impact on not only the olfactory nerves of his family, but also the NFL, United States and major stock markets across the globe.

In other news, sea levels around the world have risen approximately 3 feet since 1:20 pm Sunday.

We'll have real news and our Big11Ten round-up posted later tonight.