Blue & White Roundtable: Week 5

If you couldn't tell by the feel of the questions, the crazy folks at The Nittany Line came up with them this week. Other possible participants:

There is No Name on My Jersey
Tangled Up in White and Blue
W. F. Yurasko
Happy Hour Valley
Black Shoe Diaries
Zombie Nation

1. *warning - painfully obvious question alert* Penn State gets its first ‘real’ test this weekend facing a ranked opponent when the Fighting [None-Offensive-Mascot]s come to town. Gaze into your crystal ball and give us a short description on how Saturday night’s events will unfold. Or if you’re lazy just fire up NCAA 2009 and tell us what the Xbox thinks.

This question is painfully obvious. We would have asked the same thing.
The quotations around 'real' are pretty important in this question. What makes the Illini a real test? Just the fact that they're in the Big11Ten?

Ok, so they're a good team. Far and away the best team PSU has played to this point, but they're still a pretty underwhelming squad. Illinois is giving up a ton of yardage and got smoked by the only legit team they've played.

How legit will is Penn State? We might just find out this weekend. We doubt they'll drop 60-something on them like they did in 2005, but we expect a performance significantly better than what we saw last year when Morelli was throwing two picks and the backs struggled to punch the ball in from the two.

We expect the offense to move the ball with little problem and we expect the defense to do enough to stop an offense that has done pretty well do this point. We feel PSU has the edge on both sides of the ball, and should beat the Illini with relative ease.

Upon firing up NCAA 09, however, we discovered the whole team had been suspended for a violation of team rules, so we can't give the virtual report.


2. Saturday’s game is on the big stage at 8:00 with most of the football world watching. It’s a white out and Penn State is favored by two scores (as of Monday). Is this a lose-lose situation (the only way they could look good is by winning big) for Penn State or golden opportunity to show the world what the Spread HD is all about?

Well, we definitely don't think it's a lose-lose situation. Whether Penn State wins big or wins ugly, we don't care, we just want them to win. It's pretty likely that in 8 weeks, no one's gonna care much about the margin of victory in the first conference game.

But if we have to pick, we think this game is more of a golden opportunity. It's on national TV, and it is definitely a good chance to make a statement. The offense has been smoking hot, the defense has been at least very solid, and if the Lions win big, people are going to take notice. We have a feeling that the rest of the country doesn't think to much of the Big11Ten, especially after Ohio State took a big crap in LA a couple weeks ago. So if the team can come out and look like a juggernaut, then maybe people will start to realize this conference isn't all about the Buckeyes.

3. Now that all the fluff questions are out of the way do Maurice Evans and Abe Koroma get significant playing time?

Count us amongst those who are really sick of this story. In our opinion, there's no way these guys should even be practicing. Unless we missed something, weren't they charged with marijuana possession? For the 400th time, we ask, how stupid do you have to be? It's also incredible that Joe isn't being lambasted in the press for letting them back. Doesn't it seem like this was backwards? Shouldn't you stand up for them and let them work with the team when there are no charges and then suspend them when there are?

Perhaps we're being uptight, but that's the way we feel. Of course, the question didn't ask what we thought about it, it just asked if we think they'll get some PT. Our guess is that won't start or see significant action, but will be used in a backup role to spell the others. If they're going to be out there, we hope they play well.


Lightning Round

1. Back in 2007, Illinois Basketball fans made my skull crack open in rage slightly angered me when they befouled the statue of Joe Paterno. Do you hate the Illini like me or not so much?
No. (Hey, until last year, they really sucked, so they weren't really a threat. And we didn't even know we had a basketball team.)

2. It’s a night game please quantify the amount of alcohol you will consume before gametime (if you don’t drink please quantify the amount of fatty foods you will eat).

Have we mentioned our cooker? It makes a lot of food. A lot.



3. Put it on the line – final score: PSU 37, Illinois 17

Tailgate Time

We have Temple coming up this weekend, and rather than bore you with whatever we’d probably normally bring you the week leading up to Temple, we’re going to talk about one of our other favorite subjects (as well as something we’re looking forward to more than the game this week): tailgating.

Yes, we are avid tailgaters, just check out this picture of our sweet 30 foot baby, the Georgie Boy:


Yeah, the GB may not be much to look at, but when he’s not blowing tires or fan belts, he gets the job done. And while the team is preparing for its game this week, we are preparing the GB for our tailgate. In honor of the best tailgate spot in the nation (and that’s not even up for debate), here’s a look at some products for your tailgate. These range from the fun to the useful to the utterly ridiculous. We start off with our favorite product this year.

Orion Outdoor Convection Cooker

If you are tailgating and have a lot of people to feed, you're gonna need something that can get all that food done. Since you're tailgating, you're also going to need something that's portable and can get that food done fast.

We were at one time confronted with these same issues, when one fateful day September we were saved by Woot!

We were able to purchase the Orion Outdoor Convection Cooker for $99. Barring a repeat sale at Woot, you might have to pay around $140 for this product somewhere like Home Depot, but we feel it would still be worth it. The cooker uses a lot of charcoal, about 12lbs, and creates a convection current inside the steel canister that cooks things evenly and steams the food while it cooks. Because of the convection inside the canister, cooking time is really cut down, and that's a necessity if you're out tailgating.

The Orion cooker can handle 6 racks of ribs, a whole turkey or a big ole briscuit. So far we've only used ours for ribs and whole chickens, but it's performed great so far, cooking four racks in roughly an hour and leaving us with plenty of time for corn-hole and boozing. It's a breeze to use since you only stick the food inside and light the charcoal. No turning, no basting and no adding to the fire. Just let it do it's thing. In fact, it's encouraged that you don't mess with it at all!

Inflatable Palm Tree Cooler

Yes, that is correct. This is an six-foot inflatable palm tree that holds 50 cans or bottles of your favorite beverage. Not only is it a great place to store the cold ones, but it also serves as a landmark that makes it easy for friends to find your tailgate, and deflates to save space for travel. And oh yeah, it’s a freaking palm tree! This is a product we actually bought and it will be making its first appearance this weekend. We could not be more excited.

Cruzin Cooler

Is that Chevy Chase?

This one goes in the ridiculous category. This is a cooler you can actually ride around on. This is perfect for people who need to carry beverages from tailgate to tailgate but are too lazy to pull around a giant cooler. They start at $350 and come in either gas or electric. Apparently Ellen is a big fan. We recommend going with the environmentally friendly model, so at least you’ll be saving the planet while you get laughed at.

Tailgate Hotbag

This could actually be useful, especially if you’re traveling a good distance to get to your tailgate and you want to keep a hot dish warm. If you’re in a car, this would require a power inverter, but if you’re in an RV, you could crank up the generator and plug it right in. But for $129, it might be better to just mug a pizza delivery guy and take his bag.

Penalty and Challenge Flag Combo

So you’re hanging out at your tailgate and some dumbass frat guys come and start hitting on your girlfriend. Penalty! Two many men on the field! Or what if someone from the opposing team steps over the line when throwing the cornhole bag? Challenge! With the Penalty and Challenge Flag Combo, these scenarios can be possible at your next tailgate for only $5.99! And Billy Mays approves:

"HEY, BILLY MAYS HERE!!!!"

The Manhattan

Now this product doesn’t really float our boat because we hang out in the RV lot and drink beer. But if you or your rich parents have a reserved spot near the stadium, and are too sophisticated for Yuengling and Labbatt, then this is the kit for you. It holds two Martini glasses, one shaker, one jigger, one strainer, and a bunch of other things we wouldn’t know what to with. And at only $109.99, it won’t break the trust fund.

Folding Love Seat

Back to the more practical items, this double chair is faaaantastic. Who hasn't had problems with seating at a tailgate? And more importantly, seating while eating? You're sitting there like an idiot holding your plate in one hand trying to take down your meal all the while balancing that loaded plate that feels like it could break apart at any second. Tables alone are too cumbersome to carry along and if you do take them they're almost always loaded up like a buffet. Simple solution, double chair with table attached. You might have to sit a little sideways, but anythings better than risking spillage on the pants.

And besides, if you've got the double chair working, you've got a seat for the lady friend right next to you. Now isn't that sweet?

NCAA Logo Branding Iron

Yeah, this item really exists. If you're a normal person, like whoever designed this item, you're thinking, "oh wow! I could use that to brand the team logo on those steaks I bought or onto everyone's burger!"

If you're more like one of us, you're thinking, "this will take shaming to a whole new level!"

Unfortunately we couldn't find a picture of a Penn State one, but imagine the good times you could have running around the tailgating fields with a hot branding iron!

Teach a lesson to that guy who drank all your beer and passed out behind your car or use it to send a Michigan fan home with a message he'll never forget.

Hops Holster

Yep. That's a belt that holds beer cans. We saw similar items that held beer in a bladder like a Camelbak, but we'd prefer to keep our frosty beverages inside their original container until we're ready for them.

One of the biggest problems at PSU games is the epic walk you have to take to get from wherever it is you park -- unless you're rich -- to the stadium. If you're parked in the RV lot it can be quite a hike and everyone wants to take a brew for the road. A lot of parking lots are even worse, especially if you end up on the far side of Park Ave or way out by the hospital. Now you can carry enough for yourself and your friends to have a spare as you make that trek.

No word on how the stadium staff would react when they saw you walking in with it.